ielts practice

Our lives have been drastically changed with the ever changing pace of the world. One of  the things that we have embraced in our daily existence is the use of social media. We are living in an era of growing dependence on technology which propelled the existence of the internet benefitting us in so many ways.  However, along with it are the downsides that changed our ways of communication and socialization.

The advantages of social media include faster communication, getting reconnected with long lost friends and having access to news reports and trending topics. Everybody is familiar with facebook, twitter and instagram to name a few. Using them opened us to a portal of  ease in reaching out to anybody like using messanger applications and being able to express our opinions by posting them on facebook and twitter. You cant miss any breaking news in lieu of television or  newspaper when all you have to do is open a news site in your mobile phones or tablets. 

While we are gratified at the comfort of social media has done to our lives, we have become entirely reliant on all these things than in the past. These days you will see people hooked to their mobile phones oblivious  of the people around them. Many became glued to their virtual world with less human interaction. It is also evident that in some instances social media can trick gullible people into believing distorted facts or informations. 

my best friend is google

Lately life is comprised mostly of sedentary kind i have been indulging with. My somewhat physical inactivity relegated me to burn not enough  calories in a day. Although an insormountable amount of my time is taken by my job, working for a more than n a month just sitting on the cardiac monitor gives me a feeling of heaviness and unsavory sense of well being. By the way i work as telemonitor (cardiac) nurse which requires me to focus on the monitor the whole shift for as long as 15 hours a day.  Quite ironic, previously i was ranting how physically draining my job was when i was directly handling patients.

Adding  up my woes is being  confined to the customs of my  host country (ksa)  where i am working with aside from being loverless.  Put boldly into the picture i am absolutely single who started to deal with the so called “middle life crisis.” While i am still existing here i am obliged to embrace a monotonous lifestyle. My stints after  work and even during off from line of duty is no exception. I am bound to stay in our accomodation mostly to simply get enough sleep in preparation for the next day of work. Given that i am not at all alone when there are times i could feel the human presence of my housemates. However the twinge of loneliness is undeniable when they are  at work and i am stucked by my lonesome. With or without them i have learned to create my own world, socialize with myself and feel okay with it. (Is it really okay?)

The solitary being in me had kept up with the changing times of the world. My life has earned a total reliance on the internet. With the advent of the social media many of them to mention, some of them i found too ubiquitous and redundant. Seeing nonsense selfies, groupies, trivial statuses, tweets, yes they rule, they cannot be denied.  Obviously, i am also a patron of such trend but not as active as before . I have also my heydays of bragging my pictures and upload any picture i like. Lately, I have chosen to do so only if deemed appropriate or necessary. I have the not so guilty pleasure of watching youtube incessantly. I feel like if i dont do so i would be left out of this world. While my attention is set on my ipad, the television which was my former addiction is now found in the background. My silly idea of switching the tv on  with minimal sound for the simple reason of feigning i have a  companion, haha!!!

No matter what i do  on my ipad i couldnt sleep without reverting to the basics which is the google. While decades ago i have to turn the pages of our book of knowledge to gain of course knowledge.  Presently, whatever comes to my mind, i find comfort by seeking the search engine. Citing an example  I knew it was needless for me to search the word “depression,” but i found myself browsing through google hoping to find enlightenment, links to self help advices etc. The darker side was i went as far as searching the ” painless way to commit suicide.”I knew i was not desperate enough to  put  into actions whatever the links suggested like what the co-pilot of germanwings did by searching “cockpit.” But what blew me away is realizing  there is really no painless way to commit suicide  based on my readings. Okay i work in the medical field but i knew  even a puncture of a needle still evokes pain. I was probably  extremely sad with my wandering in google but not qualified to be suicidal for that matter.

How can i forget my intense dependence on google to get to know some bits of information about my former love interest. I was underwhelmed, too shy to ask  anything under the sun from our mutual friends who could satisfy my cravings. Alas, although he is not a celebrity, google allowed me to gleam his conversion to islam in an article, his contributions being a political figure etc etc etc. It was not a difficult research at all. How i cannot be so grateful to google when a fancy  unbelievably became a reality. However, not long after, is it is also browsing the internet that caused the meltdown. The death of a dream, a fantasy that became a reality, a reality turned into a nightmare. I could pass as an intellegence agent for  my correct judgement and impeccable intuition thanks to the internet  on how i was able to crack my  ex cheating on me without direct witnesses.

My best pal is google fortunately or unfortunately. Now that i have less human interaction except in my workplace and as an expat in a very restrictive place u wouldnt wonder why google became my bestfriend. Whenever  i ran out of ideas to do, google has the answers though i knew its not credible at all times if not most of the times . At least it keeps me company in my solitude, i can think of the other world, other lives, other misfortunes than indulge in my own misery.

DEPRESSION

Depression,  a word that I often use when life seems unforgiving to me. Years passed when I believed I was struggling with  depression without help, fearing the social stigma of mental illness. Who is to blame? I grew up in a community where there is this culture of seeing a shrink equates to being crazy.

I thought I had it on and off, unnoticed or simply ignoring its effects at some stages of my life. There was a time depression was caused by joblessness. Without obligations it did not necessitate me to be desperate looking for work to pay the bills.  Or was I  a confused individual unwilling to practice my profession of nursing? Two years passed of complacency and living in idleness I was painstakingly struggling to push myself to work. Well, facing  the pangs of being fed up finally shoved me to get up and to stand on my own.

Another cause of my depression was being jilted. I always believe Im one of the persons in the world who is not so lucky in love. I was tired assessing myself trying to figure out the flaws which hinder my success in that department. More often than not I am always a victim of a third-party who replaces me in an instant without given the chance of taking my graceful exit or at least to fight for my rights (as if i have the rights)!

As I can see it the causes of my depression do not differ from that of others, I could even say  they might be  even lighter compared to others. However, my struggle with depression which is most of the time beautifully concealed, has given me the wisdom that I aint human if I don’t embrace depression in such a manner that I could only  understand better the importance of my life without it. No pain no glory. Wew!

resurrecting my penchant for writing

Im not really into writing but  i have an unwavering desire to do so eversince . My present career sidelined me to be content with making up unsatisfying sleep during my day off. However i dont want to deny myself of what my heart truly aspires for. It is my best form of expression where i can help stimulate myself mentally and possibly spiritually.

Working for more than seven years and counting in the ultraconservative country of saudi where social life is nonexistent to its truest sense. Other than dealing with people in my workplace as a nurse  my life literally revolves around being a healthworker in this other side of the world. I dont know if i should laud myself for my enduring stint in this turf that i never imagined i would set my foot into. Sometimes i think i am quite displaced from my origin of birth due to the popular hype that working abroad as a nurse paves the way for a better future. In that sense, i have an ambivalent feelings over which if i should feel lucky, be grateful or simply  feel the other way around. should i have stayed in the philippines, do i get a life where i am financially rewarded the same way that i am compensated by my present host country? definitely the answer is no. regrets? is it really money which brought me here? to be honest i cant even answer it myself. i was just a disgruntled citizen of my own country being jobless for two years caught in a web of this dillemna to work overseas. i was so naive who also jumped into this bandwagon following my contemporaries who are doin well abroad.

The culture which i found so punitive at first that i became well  adjusted later on me didnt really matter at all. i was hungry for a career which i felt i was deprived of  from where i came from. my first two years were the most stressful,  learning the language and temperament of patients i dealt with. i would always find a way out to dodge the overwhelming stress keeping me exhausted by gaining friends out of my workplace. at first it was quite amazing meeting  and hanging out with fellow filipino friends. it was an utter challenge mingling with them since it is prohibited here. in fact, i attended more well organized parties here than when i was living in the philippines. its quite an irony. the friends that i knew of had dwindled in numbers unfortunately.

right now my saudi life consists mostly of work and rest in my pad. i dont have activities anymore like i used to have. i am reduced to an individual who is simply working to live.br>